The ACOTAR Series - My Intro into Fantasy, and my reintroduction to myself. (Some slight spoilers for the ACTOAR Series)

ACOTAR - what can I say, this series altered my brain chemistry and dragged me out of the pathetic dark hole I had been half existing in for the last few years. 

Sarah J. Maas’ A Court of Thorns and Roses series isn’t just a fantasy about faeries, courts, and forbidden love—it became a mirror for my own journey of resilience, growth, and self-discovery. I wont lie, it took me a few attempts to get started, eventually I took to listening to the first book. Once I had gotten into it however, I found myself pulled into a world that was both magical and painfully real, one that reflected the struggles, fears, and hopes I carry with me on almost a daily basis.

Reading Feyre’s journey, I couldn’t help but see pieces of myself in her. The way she faces unimaginable trials, heartbreak, and loss, physical pain, yet rises not just to survive but to thrive as the High Lady of the Night Court—it reminded me that even in my own darkest moments, growth and transformation are possible. Watching her strength emerge from her pain gave me courage I didn’t know I had, and inspired me to believe in my own resilience. Physical pain is a daily thing for me, I have fibromyalgia and though I make every efffort to not let this dictate what I can and can't do in a day, there are days where the pain weighs incredibly heavy. I have been less active in the last few years and I no longer like who I am. A bad relationship didnt help with this and left me scared to let anyone close again. What Feyre showed me is that we dont have to be perfect, that it is possible to think you love somone, that toxic love isnt always the end, but is actually a path to the love that we need and want in our lives. We dont have to let the toxic ones destroy us, there is always hope. And it only takes the right person to motivate us and help us get up again, be that freind, lover or something altogether different. 

Nesta’s story hit me in a completely different way. Her initial coldness, defensiveness, and resistance to connection felt real and familiar. But as I followed her gradual growth, her moments of vulnerability, and her eventual acceptance of herself, I realized that healing doesn’t have to be linear. It’s messy, it’s slow, and it’s okay to stumble and take your time. Nesta reminded me that self-compassion is as important as bravery. She also inspired me in a different way. On days when the anxiety, depression and pain are looming, when it feels like there is no point. We still have a choice, we can let it beat us, or we can fight. We can make ourselves get up and push through that day. Nesta has given me the strength to push through painful days, to accept that I am not the same as my own sister (She is stunning and has this uncanny ability to navigate life with a grace that I just dont posess). I have always felt lesser, Nesta made me see that isnt the case, I am just different, and that is ok. I just need to learn how I work, how I am able to overcome my own challenges.

What struck me most about ACOTAR was how it allowed me to lean into my emotions. The story gently reminded me that it’s okay to feel deeply, to fall in love, and to open myself up to joy and connection again. Its emotional honesty—its willingness to explore love, pain, and healing—helped me process my own feelings and embrace the full range of my emotional world without shame or guilt. There has not been a day since I finished the series (So far, cant wait for book six) where I haven't thought about Rhys, where I havent thought about the inner circle and how it helped me to truly fall in love. I cried, I laughed and I felt more than I had felt in years. I felt like I was part of that circle, and it was a shock to the system to realise that I actually do still have the capacity to feel all of that. I'm not as broken as I feared, I just muted myself. I mean I sobbed through ACOWAR. I fangirl screamed when Az and Cass appeared on the ice. I cheered at 2am when Nesta came through. I have been and will continue to be totally and utterly invested in this world. Do I know that its fiction, absolutley, do I care, absolutely not. 

For me, ACOTAR wasn’t just a series—it became a companion through my own healing journey. It offered lessons in resilience, vulnerability, and the courage to love myself and others fully. It reminded me that even in the face of hardship, growth is possible, and that love—in all its messy, complicated, beautiful forms—is always worth allowing into your life. So thankyou S J Maas, Thankyou for creating something that helped me in such a fundemental way. Thankyou for showing me that I am still there, even if its going to take a while for me to find myself again its ok to be myself. Thankyou for creating these characters that I have fallen in love with. I cannot wait for book six, and in the meantime I will conquer the rest of the Mass Verse!

P.s. My boy Az better get the best of mates, and please give Lucien a happy ending, our little fox is my guilty pleasure in all of these books.